pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
