omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I think my moral compass just broke
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
