Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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