He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
