You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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