THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
