Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Everything about him screamed your future.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
