I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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