You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
