I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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