I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My hand turned me down
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
