I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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