I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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