She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
