i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
is wine microwaveable?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
dude. I can hear the air.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
