i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
