She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
