i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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