his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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