we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
