I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
