i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
