Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
