I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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