TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
