I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
