and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
