How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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