Will you blow on my dice?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We have so much sex to catch up on
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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