you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
