I'm pants shitting drunk right now
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
