Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
is that a dick in a sweater?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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