We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
