I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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