he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
