These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
