WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
