easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
