I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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