I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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