Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
