Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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