just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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