I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
