I just threw up on my dentist
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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