Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
