I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
