Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Randomize
