no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
