God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
