Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
