im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
