new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
