Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
