OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
