He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
