he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
