I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
