dude i'm inner monologue high
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
