We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
