I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
