you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
