Whoa Z and x make the same sound
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
