Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
