A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
