yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Someone shattered a urinal.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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