We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
