They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
