made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
