I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize
