I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
