i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
